The Secret of the Sauce – Excerpt

"Well, we’re really lucky you’re here, Judas," said Agatha. "As usual, you showed up at just the right time."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"You’re going to rescue little Miss O’Reilly from those dreadful kidnappers, of course!"

"I am?"

"Of course you are, dear boy. We still have your costume here waiting for you!

"What costume?" I asked.

"Your Captain Freedom costume, of course, silly boy. Chives, would you help Judas into his Captain Freedom costume?"

"Certainly madam," said the solid butler. "Step this way, sir."

As Chives led me to the dressing room, I asked, "Who’s Captain Freedom?"

"A great super hero, sir. The champion of truth, justice, and the Western Free States way."

We reached a large walk-in closet, and Chives looked around to make sure the room was secure. Then he removed a painting from the wall, opened a hidden wall safe, and pulled out a small bundle of brightly colored garments.

He instructed me to strip to my underpants, explaining that my socks and T-shirt would keep it from fitting right. Then, he gave me a pair of shiny, elastic pants, red on the right side and green on the left. Next he handed me a tight long sleeved shirt, of the same material, which I would have put on backwards if he hadn’t corrected me. The shirt had the opposite color scheme to the pants, with the red sleeve on the right and the green on the left. Now that I was adorned like a Christmas tree, the next task was to squeeze into a one-piece yellow suit that was like a combination of a tank top and trunks. In the middle of the chest was a dark blue triangle containing the word "Freedom" in white letters. Then Chives helped me put on a pair of lightweight boots that came halfway up the calf. Needless to say, the boots were yellow, with a green lace on the right and red lace on the left. Amazingly, however, they seemed to fit just right.

I thought I was all dressed now, and started toward the mirror to check out my new duds, but Chives said, "Don’t forget the mask, sir." He handed me a yellow ski mask with red and green trim.

Now, I went to the mirror.

I don’t recall ever having any desire to be a superhero. But if someone told me I had to be a superhero, this would not have been my first choice of costumes.

The color scheme ensured that I would be easily visible to any super villains or other persons of ill-intent. Also, the outfit fit very snugly, accenting my scarecrow-type physique. I usually wore loose fitting clothes, for at least three reasons. First, they were more comfortable. Second, they didn’t make me look quite so gaunt. Third, when you’re as skinny as I am, it’s hard to find clothes that aren’t loose fitting.

I saw that Chives wasn’t holding any more garments, so I knew that I now had the complete outfit on, but I couldn’t help from asking, "Where’s my cape?"