Alternate Biographies

If you didn’t like the first biography, here are a couple of others.  Then you can pick whichever you like best.  (Why should I be dependent on the physical universe for my facts?  An artist creates his own facts!)


Born in South Atlantis City, on the re-risen Continent of Atlantis somewhere in the 2500s to 2700s, Mars Atlantis had a happy and relatively uneventful childhood (which, of course, may change at some time to a monumental and outlandish childhood, depending on the needs of the plot).  While a student at South Atlantis High School, he excelled in Geometry, Geography and Military History.  He also became captain of the Extreme Croquet team, which he lead to the Continental championship match.  Believeing that he had learned as much as he could in the halls of academia, he could hardly wait to make his contribution to the Real World – and he joined the Royal Atlantean Navy as soon as he was old enough to convince the recruiter he was 18.

His aptitude in chess and croquet served him well in navel strategy, and he worked his way up through the ranks, reaching the status of Admiral while he was still young enough to enjoy life for awhile.

After retiring from the service, he was offered the position of Associate Professor of History and Geography at Atlantis State University at South Atlantis City (“ASUSAC”) and in between hs lectures, penned several historical volumes, including PIONEERS OF ATLANTIS, and BIRTHPLACE OF CIVILIZATION – NEW EVIDENCE FOR THE “CLASS REUNION” THEORY.  He also dabbled in literary criticism, with his charming volume, THE POETRY AND TIMES OF BORIS O’MALLEY.  More recently, he penned the controversial THE UNAUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHY OF SGT. HARMONY, which almost cost him his teaching job, and was criticized by many of his colleagues as “nothing more than bizarre science fiction in the guise of a biography.”

He had just sent his most recent volume, FLAGS OF ATLANTIS, to the publisher, when his life took a horrifying turn for the worse.  He was transported backwards through time by an evil sorcerer, where he arrived in Los Angeles, California.  Finding the job market for historians and geographers slim, he landed a job with a law firm preparing documents and doing legal research. 

In his spare time, Mars began writing the history that he remembered from his time period, making sure he always referred to it as “science fiction” rather than “history.”


After graduating with orbiting colors (even better than “flying colors”) from the prestigious Arcturis State University law school, I was hired as an associate with Urgblatt, Sneer & Aquamonte (or “USA” for short), which was then the 5th or 6th largest firm in the entire Western half of the galaxy (and we don’t even want to talk about the Eastern half, do we?) employing over 55,000 lawyers on 47 different planets. 

I was assigned to the Interplanetary Law division, where I helped facilitate complicated business transactions often spanning several star systems.

The corporations I represented usually established new industrial or mining bases on uninhabited planets, but occasionally they would pick a planet already inhabited by a primitive indigenous species.  In such cases, the native peoples would receive the double benefit of expanded employment opportunities and the civilizing influence of a more advanced culture.

Part of my job was to help establish new legal systems for the primitive people thus benefitted  – legal systems that would be found acceptable by the bureaucratically minded galactic regulators.

There were rumors of one primitive planet, near one of the obscure northwestern arms of the galaxy, whose inhabitants had developed their own legal system – a system that was unique throughout the galaxy.

I was sent on a secret mission to that planet to study its laws, with the ultimate objective of exporting those laws to other parts of the galaxy (at a healthy profit to my firm, of course).  In order to learn the nuances and intracacies of their legal system, I not only had to read their laws, but to live them.  I had to become a Californa lawyer!

I settled in Los Angeles, and opened my own firm, and dutifully reported my progress to my supervising partner each week. 

But then – disaster!  The USA firm had been shaken with a scandal that surpassed even the Arthur Anderson, Enron, and Watergate scandals which were so popular on your planet.  The partners were scrambling away like rats from a sinking ship, taking quiet jobs with other firms, hoping to avoid the spotlight of the regulatory agencies. 

The partner to whom I was reporting told me he was sorry, but he wouldn’t be able to talk to me anymore.  My mission had not only been canceled, but officially had never existed in the first place!

So, here I was, stuck on a primitive planet without much hope of returning to my homeland. I decided to write up accounts of some of the interesting cases I had worked on as a galactic lawyer – changing the names, of course, so that they would be more pronounceable — and calling the stories “science fiction.”